A summary of what I have learnt
By
Mrs. Malaika Bolatiwa
If I were to convey what the right man looked like to my younger self, this is what I would share with her:
The first step is to completely recognize the importance of cultivating a lifestyle centered around gaining clarity through Christ about the woman and wife God has called you to be. I’m very intentional about using the word “be” instead of “become”. It’s important to emphasize that we are continuously evolving, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, into the version of ourselves that’s required to optimize each season of our lives. God is always calling us to learn more about ourselves as we learn more about Him. Engaging in conversation with your Heavenly Father about your future husband aligns your plan with God’s master plan. This will help ensure that you are walking in accordance of who God has called you to be, maintaining God given perspective, and recognizing the right man when he appears.
There are three significant points that I’m eager to share with you about what the right man looks like:
- He’s a man with the God given ability to bring out the best in you even in the face of adversity. Likewise, you have the same effect on him.
- He’s a man that wants to be with you primarily for God’s glory. His intentions are rooted in seeking God’s word and purpose within himself, his future wife, future marriage, and ultimately his entire future and everything connected to it.
- He’s a man who loves you according to God’s definition of love, which is agape love.
It’s important to rely on the peace and direction of the Holy Spirit to confirm the right match for you at the right time. God, our creator, knows all versions of you and your future husband (today, tomorrow or 50 years from now) more than you know yourselves. His divine wisdom brings compatibility and strategic timing into play, creating a supernatural and loving relational atmosphere. Be deeply rooted in Christ and yield to the Holy Spirit. This will help you remember, when disagreements arise, both of you should strive to be aware of God’s place in it, seeking growth and glorifying God in the journey toward resolution. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lay down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV
A man that wants to be with you for God’s glory, is a man that craves to see God’s hand maximized in your marriage. Some men may express that they want to be with you for your beauty, personality, or your love for God, but does he mention the glory of God? Does he want to primarily please God through the covenant of marriage and actually put God first? Does he know the definition and God given purpose of marriage? It’s essential that both of you understand the covenant that you are embarking on through the Holy Spirit. The word of God says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Genesis 1:27-28 NIV
Lastly, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes God’s definition of love, agape love, which should be the foundation of marriage: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
A man that understands how to love you according to God’s definition of love and not based solely on feelings is a beauty to behold! I’m not saying feelings don’t matter. However, when you focus on intentionally expressing love God’s way, then the feelings will follow in a manner that pleasantly blows your mind! Focusing solely on emotion is extremely limiting. Why not have your feelings in the hands of a limitless God through obedience to His word. Focus on God and His word.
To summarize, seek clarity through Christ, and have open conversations with God about your future husband. As you continue on your journey towards recognizing the right one in God’s immaculate timing, remember, he brings out the best in you, he desires to glorify God, and loves you according to God’s definition of love. Trust in the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of God to bring “the right man” and ultimately the marriage that glorifies Him.